Bad Habits That Prevent Referrals and Hurt Your Business in the BNI Meeting

As a member of BNI, you understand the power of referrals to grow your business. 

However, many professionals unknowingly engage in bad personal habits or undermining behaviours that prevent others from referring clients to them, meaning less referrals to them.

If you had a bit of food on your face, you would want to know wouldn’t you?  That way you don’t go through the day putting people off.  It’s kinder to tell you. But I’m only going to tell you in this blog post.

Are Your Ready?

Would you like to know what those bad habits and behaviours that are absolutely sabotaging your ability to get referrals?

Here are the most common habits and behaviours that quickly sabotage your referral network and some tips to overcome them.

Tardiness and Unreliability

One of the quickest ways to lose the trust of your referral partners is by being chronically late or unreliable to the BNI weekly meeting.

When you fail to show up on time for meetings which is 6.45 am by the way, fail to return calls promptly, or deliver on your promises, it signals to others that you may not be dependable when it comes to serving their clients.  

Sure – this may be totally wrong and you may spring into action in a completely different way when you have a client BUT getting referrals is all about PERCEPTION.

Members will not feel safe sending their close contacts to you if you cannot show an ability to be timely.

There are so many members over the years who missed out on so many referrals because they didn’t make the effort to be on time all the time.  We just felt unsure about them.

Imagine if you were an employee for a business. Would it be acceptable to turn up each day at a different time. Would your boss say something. They probably would. At BNI we tend not to because we are not your boss.  We just refer less to you as a consequence. Trust takes a long time to build and moments to destroy. Each time you don’t turn up, or are late you are destroying trust.

Make it a priority to be punctual as nothing kills your referability like tardiness or a “I don’t really care” attitude to timeliness.

If you are habitually late, try this.

1. Remind yourself that unless you arrive on time you are wasting your time.
2. Prepare everything you need the night before like clothes, badges, 60 second referral request so you’re not stressed about it in the morning.
3. Put in your referrals, one to ones and closed business if not done.
4. Set the alarm 10 minutes earlier than you have been to give yourself time to get ready or set two alarms. 
5. Remind yourself of something to look forward to in the morning like your first coffee or chance to connect with other members so it gets you moving.

Leaving The Meeting Early

By leaving early regularly you signal you  don’t want to be there.  If you have left early more than twice in 6 months then you will have lost referrals.   There are times we need to leave early. Like for emergencies or for professional training events, but these should be rare.

If just leaving early becuase you booked in a job or a client then other members notice and will hold back on referrals you would have otherwise received, or passed to someone else they trust more in there other networks.  Leaving early kills your referability.

If you do need to leave early, pre warn the members and have a solid reason for leaving early, otherwise we just see you go and might think, we are boring you, you are not committed to the group, you have better things to do than be with us.  

That hurts our (the members) feelings a tiny bit. We are human and not robots after all.

Consequence: If you leave early you’ll miss out on referrals you would have received.

Tip: Make a decision that your referral meeting is more important and schedule your work appointments so you can leave at the end of the meeting and participate fully.

Tip: If on a particular day you know you have to leave early, get a substitute instead. BINGO.

Being on Your Phone and Not Engaged in the Meeting

If you are constantly checking your phone and not listening in how to help your members. You will get far less referrals over time than you would have if you were attentive.  

It’s basic human psychology.  Your not prepared to listen and engage with me so I’m not going to trust my referrals to you.

And yes everyone notices.  It’s pointed out to others at CSM meetings (The Chapter Success Meetings).  Bobby is always on his phone.  grumble, grumble.

Consequence: Members feel less comfortable referring. 

Tip:  Put your phone face down or leave it in your bag – after checking it’s on silent of course.

Not Showing Up at All and Having No Substitute

You should aim for 100% perfect attendance if you want the maximum number of referrals.  I and many other members don’t give referrals to those who don’t show up consistently. 

If you cannot make the effort to organise a substitute which suggests three things.

1. Either, that you are not conscientious, or…
2. You are not organised, or…
3. that other people are not willing to help you because they don’t like you enough

Then you will drop your referrals given to you by more than half.  

If you are not there, you can’t be trained on how to get me referrals and if you are not there and I can’t hear who you want to be referred to. That’s a fail and fail.

I and other members simply don’t feel safe referring to someone who can’t be bothered showing up, or taking the time to find a substitute. 

You should always show up or have someone representing you.

Now, If you are sick or a family member is sick, you’ll generally have plenty of advance notice to locate a substitute.  Plenty of notice is in fact the day before if you have some contacts you can call on.

Substitutes have been arranged at 8.00pm at night with 3-5 phone calls.  There are only so many times, members will believe you suddenly woke up ill on Thursday morning for the the third time in 8 weeks.  This undermines members trust of you to safely refer their contacts. Result: No referrals

If you are on holidays, you’ve had plenty of time to arrange substitutes. Likely weeks or months. Having substitutes shows others want to help you which is an indication that you have helped them.

Make the commitment to bring visitors who can be your substitutes when you can’t make it including, spouses, employees, clients, wider family members, suppliers and even friends.  

It makes you so much more referable. Each time you bring a visitor it shows other people trust and like you. This endorses you and makes you look much more attractive to refer to.

FACT: Not showing up or not sending a substitute is a real referral killer.

Lack of Professionalism

Maintaining a professional demeanour is crucial for earning the respect and confidence of your referral network.

• Dressing appropriately,
• Good personal care (Hair, teeth, breath, makeup, clothing condition (clean, ironed?)
• Avoiding controversial topics
• treating everyone with courtesy and respect which means avoiding sexist, racist, or inapropriate jokes in front of your referral partners.

Unprofessional behaviour, such as

• gossiping,
• complaining, or
• getting on your high horse about a pet peeve of controversial topic
• making inappropriate jokes,
• language not suited to the environment.

All of these can quickly erode trust and damage your reputation. 

REMEMBER: You are at BNI to grow your business and get referrals and not to change peoples world views.   You have yours, they have theirs.  Stay referable. Save any debriefing on what annoys you for your family and friends or take Dale Carnegie’s advice from How to Win Friends and Influence People. That is to “Never Condemn, Complain, or Criticise“.

Selfishness and Self-Promotion

While it’s important to be confident in your abilities, constantly talking about your own achievements or only focusing on what you can gain from a relationship will turn people off.

Those types of personalities are takers.  Are you a taker or a giver.

Successful referral partners are generous, genuinely interested in others, and willing to provide value without expectation of immediate reciprocation.

Make an effort to learn about your contacts’ businesses and how you can help them succeed before you ask for yourself.

Do you think that if Mary gives you a referral to one of her close friends, that you’ll want to help Mary in the future?  Absolutely!

And if you give Mary a referral she will definitely want to help you, won’t she? ….  The answer is YES!

And when other members see you give Mary a referral, this is far more powerful than banging on multiple times about how good you are at what you do.   That fact, that you are good at what you do should be assumed until proven otherwise.

We recommend to save the self promotion for your 60 seconds slot where you tell stories of how you’ve helped your clients, but don’t go again about yourself in the Referrals, Raps and Recaps section of the meeting.   Thats now over promotion of yourself. In that section you should be recognising others, thanking people for their referrals and help, and mentioning referrals you have given out.

Talking about yourself again suggests desperation to get a referral and no one wants to refer to someone who is desperate.  Because desperation implies you might not be so good at what you do, despite all of your self promotion.

Failure to Follow Up

Following up with referrals and providing feedback to your referral sources is crucial for maintaining strong relationships.

If you fail to acknowledge referrals from another member, or update your contacts on the status of leads (In the app), or express gratitude, it can make people feel under appreciated and they are less inclined to send you any future business.  We don’t want that to happen do we?

Be conscientious to privately thank and also publicly thank in a very positive and appreciative way, in the meetings, those members for referrals.  

This acknowledgement is so powerful in encouraging referrals from not just that member but all others.   If you give great praise and acknowledgement to someone for a a referral, other members will desire and expect that acknowledgement as well.

Being Disrespectful and Criticising Referrals You Have Been Given Publicly

It amazes me when a Member in the meeting excitedly asks another member how they went with what they thought was a good referral from a week or two ago only to be told publicly it wasn’t a good referral.

Sometimes its even worse and person is publicly shamed with what a rubbish referral it was.

I’m thinking, Are you out of you mind? “Oh Yeah, they didn’t call me back, Or they were too small for me, or he was very difficult person to deal with. 

Never, ever shame another member in front of others about the quality of the referral given. ESPECIALLY when there are visitors in the room.

I remember a member who for three weeks took great joy in criticising a referral I had given her in the meeting and saying what an awful and painful referral they were. They kept on referring to this person as my friend even though they had simply been a previous visitor to BNI that had my number and contacted me to suggest someone to help.  

They never received any referrals from me ever again and didn’t last too much longer in the chapter as referrals dried up from others who unconsciously didn’t want the same to happen to them.

Would you refer to someone or others in the group if you were  shamed on the quality of a referral, that you thought might be good.  It’s better to educate privately on the reasons they might not be a good fit in a respectful one to one.  That’s being helpful and not hurtful.

Criticising the quality of a referral publicly will definitely stop the referral flow for you for a long time.  Instead have a one to one privately and explain why the referral doesn’t fit your business model.

Not Paying Your Invoices in a Timely Manner

Please, If you request work from another member then it’s very important to pay them in a timely manner. 

I have heard several times over the years of a member not paying another member in a timely manner and this robs that member (The slow payer) of future referrals. 

And believe me, members tell other members you are not paying your bills.  This sows seeds of doubt as to whether you are ethical, in business trouble and kills referrals.

Paying in a timely manner is very important.  Word gets around if you don’t and your reputation will be tarnished so please, please pay on time.

This also comes down to monthly meeting venue fees.  If you are struggling, keep the treasurer informed and make progress payments regularly. Just not paying is just not right and will reduce your referability.

Tip: Pay your invoices promptly

Abusing One to Ones for Personal Gain

It’s important to use one to ones for business development to benefit both members.

If you are using a one to one for personal business gain then you will undermine your refer-ability.

By personal gain, this could mean extracting information on how to do something that the other member has expertise in without paying them.   

You should always be paying or offering to pay for another members time and expertise as a sign of respect when asking for personal or business help based on that members expertise.

It disappoints me when I here  “Bob” has asked for another one to one and the purpose is just to extract more information for free from the other member for their own gain. 

Again, word gets around and your reputation will be tarnished. 

You should expect to pay and pro actively offer to pay, for professional advice that goes more than surface deep from another member to protect your own reputation.

Not Helping Out The Chapter & It’s Members. 

If you think that the way to grow big is to just take care of yourself, then you’ll be sadly disappointed.  It called NETWORKING and Not NOT WORKING.  The referral leaders in the chapter are the ones that ask for roles, offer to help out, contribute and they are the members most likely to get referrals.  They want the chapter to grow and succeed and help out.  Believe it or not, all members of the chapter notice a lack of willingness to step up and help out and that means less referrals for you.  If you’ve been asked to do a role and turned it down because you are too busy in your life then you missed the opportunity to increase your visibility, credibility and referability.   Helping out can be buying a visitor a coffee, setting up a banner, putting out the name tags.  Buying something missing from the meeting during the week. Showing initiative. Asking “what can I do to help” shows a willingness to help the chapter. Do that and chapter members will want to help you.  Just keep doing that and your referrals will grow. 

The Key Points Here

In BNI, building a strong referral network is crucial for business growth. However, certain bad habits can hinder others from referring clients to you. These include:

1. Tardiness and Unreliability: Being late or unreliable diminishes trust.
2. Leaving Early: Regularly leaving meetings early signals a lack of commitment.
3. Being on Your Phone: Lack of engagement during meetings reduces referrals.
4. Not Showing Up or Having No Substitute: Consistent attendance is key to receiving referrals.
5. Lack of Professionalism: Unprofessional behavior erodes trust.
6. Selfishness and Self-Promotion: Focusing too much on self-promotion rather than helping others is off-putting.
7. Failure to Follow Up: Not following up on referrals damages relationships.
8. Disrespect and Criticism: Publicly criticising referrals can stop the referral flow.
9. Late Payments: Not paying invoices to other members or the chapter on time damages your reputation.
10. Abusing One-to-Ones: Using meetings for personal gain rather than mutual benefit undermines refer-ability.
11. Not Helping Out. Just turning up and expecting referrals is not enough. Be helpful and that makes you referable.

Addressing these habits and behaviours will ensure you become the most reliable, trustworthy, and valuable referral partner in the room, leading to more and better referrals for life.